I felt a bit regret! Y?

First, till 18 years old, i still can't fill a best friend, truly best, haiz, before, i always thinking that i can walk by my own, no need depend on others, maybe this statement is true for certain cases, such as my edu.... others than that, all need friend's help... maybe the proverb goes "a friend in need is a friend indeed" is right..... anyway, thank to all my friends starting from the primary school till secondary school, sweet or sad memories i will never forget, especially the sad memories,
honestly, in the blog, if u all have read, i am saying the truth, i not going to lie anymore, i don't want argue with anyone anymore, one time experience is enough to remember, hope the best luck to those who r not so willing to be friend with me, if u all still cant accept my present, it's ok, bcs, we have no chance to meet again, the chance is very very low, so dont worry!..
friends really make me happy, sad, i dunno y, got some friends good with me, but u all still no completely understand me especially my real interest and my family background, instead, who r not so friendly with me, know my interest, i quite special about it, haiz, friends or enemies or just travelers in my life?.. i really dunno.. what is true friend? what is fake friend? then what is just a memory?
Second, score too many a. i not pretend, i really regret about it, dunno wat course should i take, i like not so professional job, i hate to be a pro such as doctor n engineer, but my results deserve it, honestly, my real ambition is very simple, go round the world, take the nice shots, simple describe, photography course...
Third, still now i still dunno how my future is?
Fourth, dunno dunno dunno de habits, want to change, but cant, like have a big rock in front my road, haiz, so pity...
Fifth, my english communication skill, very bad.... watever communication skill also same, very bad....
Sixth, like to waste money, paper, no money no me, haha...
Seventh, try to be the best amongst the best, many say that i'm going to show off, maybe they r right, i admit, my maths sub, i felt very sad if i lose to others, dunno y, my habits, haiz, now, understand, mark cant do anything, just grade can do everything, am i right?
Eighth, what's more, less social, less friend, like to be friend with who can give me benefits... haiz, bad friend, i saying myself, so dont be friend such ppl like me..
Ninth, y i so?.. dunno how to say?.. mood like... haiz, when good mood, ok, i will be nice to all, when bad mood, omg, ran away from me, my advise...
Tenth, my weakness, careless, n pelupa, haha, saying the truth, want change it, any idea?
Eleventh, sat for acc exams, wasting my time n money....
Twelfth, wasting time at home, do nth,//// haiz///////