sometime i am curious am i that bad?

i'm always alone and lonely.

yea, i have friends but never had a serious conversation before.

i have friends but they don't trust me, and so do i.

i have friends but neither of them really understand what i feel and so do i.

i have friends but never they honestly tell me what i have done and so do i.

fair enough?

i'm bad, yea, i admit.

i really feel bad for myself.

if possible, i want to tell you guys who called themselves my friends that i can't feel the friendship but i can't.

maybe you might say i'm pessimistic, ignorant or whatsoever. yea, i am.

who am i actually? how i behave actually? i really curious sometime.

being rush also wrong
being slow also wrong

care also wrong
don't care also wrong

now
i really dunno how to behave like a normal human being who has friends to talk and trust her and to trust her.

i just want to be normal

although i have high expectations, it doesn't mean i can't be normal.

haiz.

i really upset.