sometime i am curious am i that bad?

i'm always alone and lonely.

yea, i have friends but never had a serious conversation before.

i have friends but they don't trust me, and so do i.

i have friends but neither of them really understand what i feel and so do i.

i have friends but never they honestly tell me what i have done and so do i.

fair enough?

i'm bad, yea, i admit.

i really feel bad for myself.

if possible, i want to tell you guys who called themselves my friends that i can't feel the friendship but i can't.

maybe you might say i'm pessimistic, ignorant or whatsoever. yea, i am.

who am i actually? how i behave actually? i really curious sometime.

being rush also wrong
being slow also wrong

care also wrong
don't care also wrong

now
i really dunno how to behave like a normal human being who has friends to talk and trust her and to trust her.

i just want to be normal

although i have high expectations, it doesn't mean i can't be normal.

haiz.

i really upset.

People have plan that will work out but i have plan that won't work at all.

This will be my super-bored summer semester.

i want to go for vacations but i don't have enough friends and don't have friends to follow me to go for vacations.

places that i want to go
1) Lowyat
2) Genting
3) Langkawi
4) Sunway Lagoon
5) Malacca
6) Penang

i also want to taste "a little" liquor before flying to USA. not implied that i never drink liquor. just want to taste it again with different people and atmosphere.

i want to watch movies. movies and movies in cinema.

although it's summer semester, i don't want to screw the subject that i will take.

i want to have fun but i want to score it.

my plan will only work on my side which is score it bcs i have plenty of time to study bcs my other plans won't work at all.

The journey back to kelantan was cancelled due to...

My tears were dropping down non-stop after knowing that jpa going to send me off to ohio state university. Thus, i cancelled my taxi to kl sentral and didn't manage to take the board on the train yesterday night.

Where am i now?
Subang Airport.

I'm not rich just i missed my bed so bed.


I really want to go back due to a lot of bad things happened around me recently.

I really want to take a rest.

I'm sorry, mum and dad. i know rm200 isn't easy to earn.

I just too lazy to blog about it. Thanks everyone in helping me sorting out my problem. Just pray hard for the most correct path for my future.

Overall, I have a awesome Spring Semester, but ...

Spring 2010, today marks the end of IT. I have just finished my final examination.
Despite the sudden breakthrough news that has made me depressed and wonder about my personality, spring semester was really awesome.

Let's start with the good things first.

Literature with Mr.Kamal
As you all knew me, myselfpsl, never like languages. However, she enjoyed literature class. I have learned a lot about American's writing. The more i learn about literature, the more i love language. Thanks

Physics 2 with Mr. Nizam
Simple lecture yet complicated stuff. Hopefully, i can score well for this subject although it's not transferable.

C++ with Ms.Saidatul
I love this subject very much. I enjoy every single thing i learned. If possible, i really want to major in it.

Technical Writing with Ms.Kiranjeet
Just normal esl course. Didn't aim high for this. Thanks to my teammates! You guys have surely upgraded my grade.

and Finally CTES with Mr.Redha
Legal issues, didn't aim for it too.. Still, i was thinking of opt it but given up due to the high carrier mark, 52/60. The highest for actp is 53. If i did well for the final, the highest i could get is B+. just hope for that.

Enough with academic stuffs. Let's move on to my life.

YEa, it's depressing.

I really depressed.

It's undeniable i'm bad but i'm not that bad.

I might be selfish but my selfishness is not that high.

Really don't want to talk about it.

Friends, if you really cared, just let's me be what i want to be.

I really upset to hear that i'm irritating and annoying and selfish and unethical.

Full stop.

Yea, going back to tm real soon.

I'm emo again!

Frankly speaking, my emoness can be stopped.
Final is approaching. What i can say for my progress is 0% studied.

Took a look at my test 2 paper, surprisingly, i didn't screw it but i screwed my quiz 4 which me i lost 1.7 mark for final grade.

i have to score above 90 in the final examination which is kinda of impossible for me to score A!
I need want a A not A+ like others.

moody-it isn't my fault. i'm sorry.

yea, i am emo these few days.
frankly speaking, i also dunno the specific reasons.
yea, i admit i feel sad before i didn't do well for my c++ test 2. i realized i wrote the program wrongly. that's my stupid mistake.
yea, i admit i feel tension that final is approaching.
yea, i admit i feel "unhappy" with my c++ game.
but all those things are normal things. should not have affected my mood.

10 more days, i will go back to TM. but, i am not that happy.

i have 2 more presentation to do. C++ game and Empirical Report.

Assignment-C++ game, Empirical Report, CTES which due next week.

3 final subjects-CTES, physics, C++..

less than 10 days to study. tension!

Nothing much can i do when i'm moody. don't feel like doing anything.

i have to admit that my mind is thinking about life after intec which i shouldn't think right now.
frankly speaking, i think the reason why i'm so emo not because of stuffs in intec, isn't hectic actually. but because stuffs after intec.

i'm sorry, friends if my moody-ness brings some effects to u guys...

gambateh for the final week of this spring sem.

26-30 april, btn!

Revealing the real me

Since I came to INTEC, I have been labeled as a spendthrift.
Back then, I was not a spendthrift. Every cent I used  I counted. My family is not a rich family. Although both of my parents are working, the monthly income of the whole family never reach RM4K.

Back then, i never brought branded stuffs. The most branded stuff i had ever had was my "body glove" purse. That's the real me.

It's ironic to say that INTEC has changed me. I regretted. I shouldn't spend so much. Now, I understand why the people living in "Luxurious" never had enough money to spend. They brought branded stuffs which sometimes the quality is almost the same as non-branded stuffs. Even now, I would not buy a pant which costs almost RM300. I really have to say that I'm surrounded by friends who are really rich.

I seldom reveal my family background. Seriously, i am not that rich. I spent money on useful things. The most expensive stuff I bought for myself was my MNG bag which costs me RM135. I still can't believe that I had spent that much of money.

Back then, RM50 is a lot already. Now, even RM500 is not that much. I am regret to be a spendthrift.

Living in INTEC really made me a spendthrift.

I have to say this: Friends, please remind me I am not a child of a rich family. My parents still need the money. Without those branded clothes and stuffs, I can still survive. Don't change my perspective of life.